Simply, Me: college

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Being an Introvert is a Good Thing

"You don't talk much, do you?"

"You have got lot of attitude"

If I got a one rupee coin every-time a person asked me why I am so reserved I could have been a millionaire by now!

"The less people you chill with, the less bullshit you have to deal with."

I guess this is the fundamental principle most introverts live by.

Being an introvert does not equate to shyness or asocial behavior. Those are two very different things. It simply means that the quantity of the social interaction an introvert prefers is significantly less.That being said, a few things introverts might (again, depends on the person) like to do in order to recharge include reading, writing, painting, listening to music, cooking or any hobby that one can pursue in solitude (or even sleeping!)

Extroverts usually have a very wide circle of friends. However many of the people they count as friends are really just casual acquaintances.
Introverts, on the other hand, tend to form deep, strong bonds with a few carefully selected people. As a result, they create long-lasting relationships with friends who adore them— even if they never return their phone calls.

Introverts care about what other people say, so they tune into the conversation with every ounce of their being. They look you in the eye, and make sure you have finished what you have to say before responding. They talk less than they listen.

I (and hopefully we) worry a lot about how I present myself to other people. Boy, do I worry. I try to express my thoughts clearly and concisely, I try not to look nervous. I want my hair to be perfect, I want my clothes to look neat, and I want to pass off as normal and unnoticed. But in the end, I end up speaking gobbledegook, my hair becomes a train wreck, my clothes actually crumple due to the constant fussing over it.

Introverts are too soft, too vulnerable with their feelings.And yes, most of them won't make the first move. They won't approach first, how much ever love-sick they are.We generally never let anyone come close to their heart. But if an introvert starts talking to you, starts expressing you that is a clear sign that the person is interested in you. At times, you need to understand them a little more because they can’t express their feelings most of the times. Even if they want you with all their heart, at times they can’t say it.

Before they realize, they are waiting for your calls. They try to keep the conversations going, but are terrible at it.They want to stop you, they want to resist you every bit, cause they know you have the capacity to affect them like no one else. And yet, you are there, painting their small, dimly lit world into all sorts of bright rainbow colors. .

We all dream of having a partner with whom we can just talk about everything and nothing for hours on end. Someone who listens and really understands what is in your heart.This is one of the introvert’s superpowers. They love to listen and if you’re having a bad day or are homesick, you know who can make you feel better.

Introverts are not looking to be the center of attention.While they will likely run and hide when their name is called, you can be assured that when you step off the stage, they’ll be the ones cheering the loudest.

Introverts can't get things out if their heads. They only feel satisfied when they have spent ample time analyzing and recollecting the conversation they just had .
As an introvert I often envy people who can just toss off things from their heads and move on , which for me seems to be a herculian task!!
Whenever I feel like " I should let this go" , my mind exclaims " what??? You have not given enough thought about it, so how the hell can you let the issue get out from your mind?"

Also, fun fact: In parties/gatherings, we also tend to think one of two thoughts everytime: “Please come talk to me!” and “Why are you coming towards me? Go away!”

In a nutshell, introverts stress out a lot most of the time over the fear of being judged and end up being really awkward to be around.

For the benefit of those who feel I should be less anti-social, accommodating, interactive, apologetic or tolerant, here is what I am, as accurately as I can put it.

Angels

Angels! That is what I have named them. there's always an angel.They come in some form or another, they just come out of nowhere to get me out of trouble, or sorrow.

For a guy like me, who doesn't really like expressing my sadness to other people, these angels, they just seem to read my mind, they don't ask a lot of questions, or talk a lot, they just give me a lot of relief, they give me a reason not to feel miserable. That's it! They just convince me, that I don't have to be all sulky. I couldn't thank them enough for that (I never do though). But that's the best thing about angels; They understand.🙂 They know they have my gratitude. They don't need fancy words, or tears, or revealing truths, for them to realize that they have my love. Well, that's what makes them angels.. They know without telling, they help without asking.

I am going through the worst days of my life (blame-Overthinking), I mean, when things go wrong, everything seems to go against you. I don't think I've ever cared too much about myself. But as long as there are things which are way too concerning, I wouldn't really have to worry about it. It may not be something I love doing, but is always something that the "Society" would accept.

My best friend got married. I am supposed to be happy for her. Yes I am!! .. I'm just sad about the position I find myself. She was the person I used to talk when I was sad, or depressed, she was one of my angels.. I don't have a huge friend circle but, lot of good friends, many of them consider me to be their best friend.. I do too, but not for everything. I don't share everything with every friend of mine. Like, I have a friend who's good with secrets, a friend who I feel comfortable sharing my thoughts, a friend who's good at motivating me. I guess the only thing I share with all my friends is my happiness. So she was a friend with whom I was comfortable in sharing my sadness and misery. She's very talkative. She talks about 80% of the time, she lets me talk for the rest.. 😄.. But that's fine, I used to feel very relieved. She is a woman after all, she has mother-like qualities. Most girls do. Her husband, is a lucky man, I mean, girls talk way too much, and they don't really expect us guys to digest the whole thing, but what little we have to say, if they listen, sincerely, you know, that's like finding heaven. 😊 .. That's a great quality.

There's one last angel I'd like to mention. She's the person who gave me the idea of dissolving my sorrow in words. Couple of days ago I was scrolling through my Instagram feed, Suddenly out of nowhere, comes a "Heyloo"(after viewing my story) .. I said, "hi" and I knew what's coming next; "How are you?".. Usually I'd just say I'm doing "Great", to avoid more conversation. Somehow I couldn't lie to her, so I said "Im ok" .. She asked "Sirf OK?(just OK?)" and I told her, briefly- from my best friends marriage to getting ignored by a person. Had she elaborated on that, or expressed her sympathy, I'd have surely gone offline, but she didn't. She just said "Im sorry yaar" and when I asked how she was doing, she said she's doing good.That made me feel good, most people just like to sympathize, and over-react, dramatize things, they make you feel even more miserable, fortunately, she wasn't one of them. She asked me how my blog was doing, I said it had been dead for months.

Writing really helps, especially people like me. After writing all this, I feel a lot better now. Its always the little things that make the biggest difference. Its hard for me to trust someone, to get close, to admit that I need help, and these angels are the ones who save me, and I shall forever be grateful to them ..🤗

When an Introvert Falls in Love 💕

Introverts dont care much about interacting with others. They always like to live in their own imaginary world.But once they are in love,that's the foremost Innocent & Beautiful moment for them.When they fall for someone,they fall too hard. Its sort of a sharp blow, a havoc in their serene world.

The points which I am gonna list below may not apply to all of the Introverts but most of them have these personality traits. Well I do most of it.

Introverts can easily hide their feelings to the planet either of sorrow or happiness. they will be dying inside to talk to you and still wouldnt give a single stare at you.They steal glances at you,( a minimum of they think so). If you're alert enough, you'd know they actually are staring. Plain, innocent staring.

They let all of their high walls they need build around themselves over the years come down, only for you.They find reasons to initiate a conversation and fail miserably to carry on to it.Finally once they get the chance(once in a blue moon though),they tend to be a wallflower! Or if not, everything follows Murphy's law!

Their silence is usually interpreted as their ego, but their ego becomes the last item they care about when the love bug bites them.One thing that they' are professional at, is OVERTHINKING and OVER-IMAGINING. They lack in expression, in order that they dominate in imagination. They imagine the situations that never were and circumstances which may never come. You never even know and that they have just established a happy home with you in some galaxy far, far away!

They concentrate to the most trivial things about you and remember the tiniest details of every conversation. They note of every small detail about you though they may not have the courage to talk to you about it, still they know A to Z about you(well, almost all).

An unexpected, out of the blue text from you will light up their entire day.They can go on blushing the entire day just by hearing the words like, ‘Nice Shirt!’ from you.They will send cheesy one liners and terrible jokes just to make you smile.

They are afraid of getting rejected, they are frantic of getting friend zoned , in order that they wont come up and express their feelings so easily. But once they do, it takes a hell lot of courage to confess their feelings!

They will try to do all that you love. they might read every book you suggest, hear your favorite songs, watch your favorite movies even when its not their cup of tea.

Many of introverts are after all good painters, writers, musicians, etc. If you would like to know if they really care about you, closely observe their art, its their way of expressing everything that they would rather not express.

They will let you go. If you ever decide they are not what you want anymore, they will let you go, without any hard feeling or grudges. But they can never be the same again.

When an Introvert Falls in Love - Part Two 💕💕

Jab We Met

Sudden travel plans and last minute ticket bookings and as it was a long weekend tickets were full and mine was wait listed.

Status got stuck at RAC1 and I thought that it will move but boy I was wrong! Chart prepared and it was RAC only.

I'm a tall guy and was totally low as it was always a bad experience for me to get the seats in the side part i.e side-upper or side-lower. But this time it was more bizarre. RAC!

The train departed from Kayamkulam and I saw one or two people quarreling in the coach as they never heard of RAC and thought that it's their seat. They settled down after some uncle helped them to understand the procedure.

Then came Alleppey. Entered this girl with a suitcase. When I saw her it reminded me of the situation in the movie Vaaranam Aayiram(Tamil).

His brother came with her and told me that it's her seat. I said the other half is mine and then I sat quietly listening to my songs. He then told his sister to sit and asked me and the other family in our compartment to take care of her sister as she was traveling alone. The train departed from there. I kept sitting quietly.

It was evening time when I boarded the train. Quickly it became dark outside. As my legs are long, I pulled up my half of the sleeping seat up in order to sit properly. That girl was watching me through out the whole evening and early part of the night and so as the other passengers (it was normal for me, I'm talllll). After having dinner everyone started sleeping and it was getting harder and harder for me to think of ways to adjust with that girl.

The girl sat quietly till now. Suddenly she started making small talks. She was interested in talking but I was more into my thoughts and kept quite. She then asked me to confirm one more time with the TTE about any vacant birth. I nodded and reached the door and as I suspected she wanted to stretch her legs because it was almost 3–4 hours and we were just sitting there. I searched for TTE even though I knew nothing's gonna happen because this is not the first time for me to travel with a RAC birth. This TTE appeared to be honest, distributing the seats without any money but the problem was, there were no vacant birth. He told me that he can't do anything until Erode.

I came back and saw that girl having some peaceful time and I thought of giving her some more time as she was behaving so calmly. I told her to sit for some more time as the TTE told me that there are almost zero chances of getting a seat.

After sometime, I went inside and she was lying on the birth, using her phone. She sat up seeing me and gave me half of the seat.. I was using my phone and when I saw up I found her staring at me. She asked “You don't talk much ha!?”. I stared. She got scared that maybe she offended me. I signaled her whether she wants tea or not as Aluva station was approaching. She nodded yes.We bought two teas and some biscuits and chips as I saw her not eating much in dinner. The train departed from there.

She then silently whispered “I'm finding this situation somewhat similar to the movie Jab We Met” to which I couldn't control my laughter and we both started laughing loudly, realizing that we are disturbing other people. I said “Yes, almost similar but not same”. Her eyebrows got raised in surprise, “so you cannnnn talk!”. “Who told your brother that it's my seat also!” I replied. She again laughed loudly.

Then she started talking non-stop. Some topics were interesting, some were not. Then she asked me to share something. I told her some basic “tell me about yourself” stuff which I had prepared for interviews. It was good as she was listening with so much interest. Then I told her to sleep for sometime as I won't be able to sleep even if I'll get the full seat also. She nodded and told me to wake her up after sometime. I kept sitting on the edge of the seat watching a series on my phone which I downloaded for the journey.

I sat there for about 2 hrs and then went for a small walk. I thought of waking her up but couldn't. I have a sister and a mother at my home and they too travel. So I treated her like that because maybe someday somewhere my sister or maybe my mother will also get treated in the same way as I'll treat others. 'It’s my thinking'. We can only hope for the things which we can't control. So I never woke her up. She kept sleeping there for the whole night.

Train halted at Whitefield station before reaching K R Puram and I realized that it'll be near to my destination. So I got down there. I waved at her through the window only and she waved back too. I then took a rickshaw reach my destination.

Now, I'm traveling from my childhood and got so many times RAC seats. It didn't mattered to me when I was a child as it was easy to adjust with my parents around me but as I grew up it became harder and harder (for me). Usually, when I get an RAC and it's hard to cooperate because of some foolish people, I pull my half up and sit there for the whole journey. I don't argue. It's a waste of time. Also, I talk a lot, but only to people I love and trust. So mostly I keep mum.

My Other Train Journeys:

A Second Class Journey

The Harthal Punk

EKM to PUNE TRAIN TRAVEL

The Missed Train Part - 1

Are you Single? - she asked

THE BREAK-UP

Though I have been in love all my life, I don't always fall in love, if you know what I mean😉. When you make it happen, the feeling is so awesome, but when it breaks,a major part of you just dies.

Stage I - Happiness

I was in love once It was great, that day, years ago, she was so happy, I was happy too, though I may not have smiled as much as she did, the reason being that I was overwhelmed. That night she called, and unlike all the other nights, we didn't talk much, in fact we didn't talk at all, we were two souls at the end of the phone, smiling like idiots.. I don't remember much of it, just that we said "I love you" a few times. I said its time to get some sleep, she agreed too, and suddenly she started crying, and I got this really weird(but beautiful) feeling, I was happy as I thought I was the luckiest man in the world to be the recipient of so much love from someone. I wondered how much she'd suffer if this relation was to break.

But I was wrong.

It was me who suffered, like Hell I did.

Stage II - Sorrow

Our relation didn't last long.It was a struggle, from my side, begging her not to leave me, but no matter how much I tried, she said, "this isn't happening, "my father would never allow it", she said, and I cant break his trust". I finally gave up. I couldn't really handle the loss.It was the most wasteful part of my life. I never returned any calls or messages. My phone balance was always zero. I didn't believe in myself anymore. I was in a self imposed exile.Everything I did, was at loss.

Stage III - Frustration

I was feeling so miserable, and hopeless, for so long, that it resulted in me being frustrated, and disturbed. I began questioning myself. For whom/what am I wasting my life for? Why am I so unhappy? Have I done something wrong? Haven't I suffered enough? I began watching a lot of movies/series, listening to a lot of music, it was far far away from all the mainstream stuff. Dark, stylish, explicit. It helped me in more ways than I can express. It was the time for introspection. I found out so much about myself, and helped me in defining the 'rights' and 'wrongs'. I wasn't just trying to justify my actions, more like I tried to think of the same situation from different perspectives. This really expanded my mind, made me wise. Frustration led to hunger for more knowledge, more of finding out the things that decimated my life. In a way, it was a kind of redemption.

Stage IV - Anger

I was recuperating from all this, getting back to how I was. It still hurt, though I was actually learning to live with the pain. When it really bleeds, is when she refers to me as a 'friend', I'd be like a volcano about to erupt. It was as if she was waiting for me to forget her treason, so that she'd get her 'best friend' back.She was way too afraid that she didn't mind me taking the fall. She also knew I could never hate her. SO, she called more often than she did, and I would listen. Maybe I didn't have the strength to say anything back. So during our long conversations, she'd always bring it up and justify her part. I didn't mind, for the first few times. Then it snapped. I was ANGRY. My voice came out real strong. It wasn't like bullying or trash talking, just pure unadulterated arguments.I got my confidence back. I started believing in myself. And it didn't stop there. I started writing. That was THE YEAR! 2016. .Life was great. I didn't really care about what others would think, maybe because that's how much I believed in my thoughts and views.

Stage V - Back to Normal

The fire that burned, slowly lost intensity, as I found peace. The jolly days were back. This was the part of my life, where I would just maintain my reputation and respect and all the good friends that I had earned. Life was good. I was calm, and cool, like I was, years ago. It didn't feel like I was on fire, but it felt good, it felt 'nice'.

Also my ex-girlfriend, the main antagonist in this blog entry.. :D. If you ask me if I still love her, I can say, without a doubt, that I don't .We don't get to meet each other often, but we call, we talk. We both enjoy our conversations.

So what have I learned from this heartbreak? That it hurts like crazy, and it felt like I was on a roller coaster ride, and that it took a while for me to get back to normal. And her? She got back to normal way too fast. Like I mentioned at the beginning, I was concerned if SHE could handle the heartbreak, and it was me who ended up struggling.

Well, I am not the only one who've had such an experience. I see, and I hear about so many victims. All I have to say is that, it really hurts, but don't ever think its wrong, or a mistake to fall in love, or commit yourself. One beautiful night(in the phone, with no conversation) was worth a year of suffering, if you ask me. My only advice is, don't suffer too much .. lol! .😆.. Just try to get over it, ask yourself the right questions, it will help you find the right answers, and lead you to the right track. There are things far more valuable in life than just one person.

When a Girl in the Bus Proposed Me ! 💗

Was heading to Pune in a bus and there were two pretty damsels sitting in front of me, who were in a deep conversation.

I paused my headphones for a minute and overheard the conversation.

Girl 1 : Do you know that guy?
Girl 2 : Which one ?
G1 : The one sitting behind with the earphones.
G2 : oh yes ! He is Rintu...We study in the same college.

G1 : How is he ?
G2 : Don't know.Never talked with him. But we are friends in Facebook and Instagram.He just posts stupid things about his blogs and all. Never seen talking with a girl. I think he is boring!
G1 : Then why have you added him on Fb and Insta?
G2 : Ya but I like few of the things he posts'.
G1 : So can you introduce me to him ?

(removing my headphones)

Me : Yes what do you want !
G1 : uhhh.... I mean....I thought.....headphones.....I need to ask you one thing!
Me : Yes go on!
G1 : mmm.....are you..... commited?
Me : What if am not!?
G1 : I....love...u .
Me : I am also interested ..but now I am busy shooting my shortfilm #Nostalgia.So please don't disturb me!
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My Mother : What the hell are you murmuring in sleep?! Don't you have college today?!!!

le poème - Why am I Single?

Being single can be sometimes tough,
My friends are worried, My parents aren't suprised!
They look to me and say , "Shakal Dekhi hai Apni ?"(Have you looked at yourself in the mirror!?)

So I thought I should write something about it,
I have been asked this question so many times it always tends to niggle,
Rintu could you please tell me one thing , Why are you still single?

I thought about it so many times now that i finally hit end of my wits,
But one day I came up with an answer that fits.
Heres something I came up with,

When I was 20, I fell in love with my collegematewas talking with her for months and everything was going great

If Her skin was like milk,
Her Hair was like silk,
It smelt like strawberries,
Her white and red cheeks like cherries dipped in fresh cream

Infact whenever I tried to describe her it sounded less like a ballad,
but more like I was loving not a girl but a fruit salad.

But the most important thing was,
telling her like exactly how I feel,
how having her around was a big deal

I went up to her and looked into her eyes,
my heartbeat had a swift,as i was to break the ice

Saying those words didnt take long,
but it broke the freindship along

All she wanted from me was a bestfriend,
and deep inside my dreams came to an end

Though this doesnt meant it was end of the road

but everytime I proposed, I was "FRIENDZONED"