The Unsent Epistles

 So, I am writing this again. I still don't know about the fate of this letter. I don't know if these words I write for you will ever reach you or not but as they say if it is meant to be, it will happen, so with hope, I am writing this letter again. Maybe someone will share this with you after reading this, but it can't be me, it won't be me, it shouldn't be me.

Love stays, love remains fresh, love remains hidden in the heart, and whatnot. It all sounds cliche, right? But it is true, maybe that's why it sounds so familiar for at some point in our life, we all feel so, don't we? My love is the same, pure and honest. I don't know what others feel about it, but my love is selfless, it knows no boundary, it knows nothing about distance, but it knows about you, or I should say it only knows about you. The face, soft cheeks, eyes that like to remain half-opened, magical lips, and a smile that feels like home. Perfect! How gorgeous you are! How can I not fall in love with you with every breath, how?

But I never help my words to reach you. I have lost count of how many times I have typed the letters, how many times I have almost hit the send button. Almost. But almost can never be enough. How I have believed that you almost love me, How many times you have almost told me that you too love me. Almost. I don't even dare to write another letter. Maybe, this would be the last. Maybe, this will reach you. Maybe. Somehow. Miracles happen, right? My love doesn't even deserve a miracle? Can this luck be so cruel?

Whatever. I love you. I find solace in your smile, my heart finds you beautiful, and my eyes feel so comfortable doing nothing but looking at you continuously, have you ever noticed that they stop blinking, I have. Be mine. This heart has built a home, stay in it.

 

Yours,

Idiot

So How Have you Been?

 

Today she asked me,

"So how have you been?"

And I started talking

about a wonderful day

And she just sat there

Letting me ramble on for a while

Waiting for me to realize

That she wasn't going to fall

for this facade I had created

 to hide away behind my lies

 

It gave me pause

And I watched her

take a sip from her coffee

Because she was still waiting

on a real answer from me

And it made me think about

this knee jerk reaction of ours

Of how

when someone asks us how we are 

We reply without a thought,

that we are absolutely fine

Forgetting how today morning

we woke up in panic

And just couldn't stop crying

 

Ignoring how things around us

seem to be falling to pieces 

And how we gather them all up with a broom 

 and lay them out delicately on the dinner table

Take some glue from the top shelf in our room 

And painstakingly stick everything together

hoping it would look brand new

 

And of course we get away with it

Because we have been doing it for so long

We know where every broken piece of us belongs

But only those that know

the inner most depth of our lives 

Can seem to find the cracks

hidden under layers of paint,in those barely visible glue lines

 

And we do all this just

to fool ourselves into believing

That life is good right now

and there's nothing

we could possibly be missing

 Until we meet that one person 

who knows, just knows

 

And they ask you "so how have you been?"

And you're left wondering maybe

you don't have enough practice after all

 

for those glue lines

to be left unseen.

 

 

 

 

When an Introvert Falls in Love - Part Two 💕💕

 

 I don't think no other post than When an Introvert Falls in Love 💕 got so much traffic/hits in so less time.There are friends who still ask for the second part of  The Missed Train Part - 1  and here I post a part two of a blog which I put up couple of weeks ago.

Well not really a part two I had these things noted already  just didn't wanted to make the previous post long and most of the things are cliché . I mean Love itself is a cliché , but clichés exists for a reason.😁

Introverts are silent personalities with a huge heart and a lot going on in their head and very few ways of expressing it. They are very simple yet, understanding them takes time as they do not easily express what they feel.

They don't care about looks. No matter how you look or what your past is, they simply don't care. All they care is the present you and the future with you! When they fall in love with someone, no body’s opinion can change any of their feelings towards you.Yes, overthinking and over imagining gets them hurt too.

As much as you think you don’t affect them that much, you hold all the power in the world to hurt them.If something good happens with them, they want you to be the first one to know.

They drop a lot of disguised hints, but most of this goes un-noticed because they are so introverted that many people think that their dropping hints comes under normal behavior but for them  it is way beyond what they have ever done,like they’ll go against their nature of not texting/replying and will try to initiate conversations. They’ll make it a point to ask about your well-being even if texting is their least favorite.  

They are the ones who won't be able to express much by words but it is their action and behavior that works and deep inside they feel a lot, a lot more than imagined by the other person. They want to connect with someone with whom they can talk about life, humans, universe and everything around them. They really really love deep conversations. They can just sit with you for hours together, without doing anything, listening to your talk, and they cherish these moments too.They imagine you not just a lover but also a best friend with whom they will finally be able to share everything which they never said anyone else before.

They always tell themselves, “I would have easily approached , if she wouldn't be with her group”. Sometimes they hate themselves for not being a humorous person or talented enough to impress that one special person.

They start keeping count of every single meet even if it's only for a flick of second.  They listen. Everything you say. The same story n no of times. Patiently. And remember every word you say.They observe. Everything you do. From your ear rings to the dress you wore last day, everything.Since they observe so much expect an introvert to fall in love with all your small details much faster than an extrovert.

They will stand with you, in all your stupidities and dramas, in all your ups and downs, because they know what it means to stand alone in a crowd, and would never let you be in that position.

They may be the strongest personalities you will encounter. you don't know how much they are enduring and fighting silently until they trust you enough to open up, which actually can take months together.  

When an Introvert Falls in Love 💕

Introverts dont care much about interacting with others. They always like to live in their own imaginary world.But once they are in love,that's the foremost Innocent & Beautiful moment for them.When they fall for someone,they fall too hard. Its sort of a sharp blow, a havoc in their serene world.

The points which I am gonna list below may not apply to all of the Introverts but most of them have these personality traits. Well I do most of it. 

Introverts can easily hide their feelings to the planet either of sorrow or happiness. they will be dying inside to talk to you and still wouldnt give a single stare at you.They steal glances at you,( a minimum of they think so). If you're alert enough, you'd know they actually are staring. Plain, innocent staring.

They let all of their high walls they need build around themselves over the years come down, only for you.They find reasons to initiate a conversation and fail miserably to carry on to it.Finally once they get the chance(once in a blue moon though),they tend to be a wallflower! Or if not, everything follows Murphy's law!

Their silence is usually interpreted as their ego, but their ego becomes the last item they care about when the love bug bites them.One thing that they' are professional at, is OVERTHINKING and OVER-IMAGINING. They lack in expression, in order that they dominate in imagination. They imagine the situations that never were and circumstances which may never come. You never even know and that they have just established a happy home with you in some galaxy far, far away!

They concentrate to the most trivial things about you and remember the tiniest details of every conversation. They note of every small detail about you though they may not have the courage to talk to you about it, still they know A to Z about you(well, almost all).

An unexpected, out of the blue text from you will light up their entire day.They can go on blushing the entire day just by hearing the words like, ‘Nice Shirt!’ from you.They will send cheesy one liners and terrible jokes just to make you smile.

They are afraid of getting rejected, they are frantic of getting friend zoned , in order that they wont come up and express their feelings so easily. But once they do, it takes a hell lot of courage to confess their feelings!

They will try to do all that you love. they might read every book you suggest, hear your favorite songs, watch your favorite movies even when its not their cup of tea.

Many of introverts are after all good painters, writers, musicians, etc. If you would like to know if they really care about you, closely observe their art, its their way of expressing everything that they would rather not express.

They will let you go. If you ever decide they are not what you want anymore, they will let you go, without any hard feeling or grudges. But they can never be the same again.

 

Also read 

When an Introvert Falls in Love - Part Two 💕💕

 

Jab We Met

Sudden travel plans and last minute ticket bookings and as it was a long weekend tickets were full and mine was wait listed.  

Status got stuck at RAC1 and I thought that it will move but boy I was wrong! Chart prepared and it was RAC only.

I'm a tall guy and was totally low as it was always a bad experience for me to get the seats in the side part i.e side-upper or side-lower. But this time it was more bizarre. RAC!

The train departed from Kayamkulam and I saw one or two people quarreling in the coach as they never heard of RAC and thought that it's their seat. They settled down after some uncle helped them to understand the procedure.
 
 
Then came Alleppey. Entered this girl with a suitcase. When I saw her it reminded me of the situation in the movie Vaaranam Aayiram(Tamil).
 

 

His brother came with her and told me that it's her seat.  I said the other half is mine and then I sat quietly listening to my songs. He then told his sister to sit and asked me and the other family in our compartment to take care of her sister as she was traveling alone. The train departed from there. I kept sitting quietly.
 
It was evening time when I boarded the train. Quickly it became dark outside. As my legs are long, I pulled up my half of the sleeping seat up in order to sit properly. That girl was watching me through out the whole evening and early part of the night and so as the other passengers (it was normal for me, I'm talllll). After having dinner everyone started sleeping and it was getting harder and harder for me to think of ways to adjust with that girl.
 
The girl sat quietly till now. Suddenly she started making small talks. She was interested in talking but I was more into my thoughts and kept quite. She then asked me to confirm one more time with the TTE about any vacant birth. I nodded and reached the door and as I suspected she wanted to stretch her legs because it was almost 3–4 hours and we were just sitting there. I searched for TTE even though I knew nothing's gonna happen because this is not the first time for me to travel with a RAC birth. This TTE appeared to be honest, distributing the seats without any money but the problem was, there were no vacant birth. He told me that he can't do anything until Erode.
 
I came back and saw that girl having some peaceful time and I thought of giving her some more time as she was behaving so calmly.  I told her to sit for some more time as the TTE told me that there are almost zero chances of getting a seat.

 
After sometime, I went inside and she was lying on the birth, using her phone. She sat up seeing me and gave me half of the seat.. I was using my phone and when I saw up I found her staring at me. She asked “You don't talk much ha!?”. I stared. She got scared that maybe she offended me. I signaled her whether she wants tea or not as Aluva station was approaching. She nodded yes.We bought two teas and some biscuits and chips as I saw her not eating much in dinner. The train departed from there.
 
 She then silently whispered “I'm finding this situation somewhat similar to the movie Jab We Met” to which I couldn't control my laughter and we both started laughing loudly, realizing that we are disturbing other people. I said “Yes, almost similar but not same”. Her eyebrows got raised in surprise, “so you cannnnn talk!”. “Who told your brother that it's my seat also!” I replied. She again laughed loudly.
 
Then she started talking non-stop. Some topics were interesting, some were not. Then she asked me to share something. I told her some basic “tell me about yourself” stuff which I had prepared for interviews. It was good as she was listening with so much interest. Then I told her to sleep for sometime as I won't be able to sleep even if I'll get the full seat also. She nodded and told me to wake her up after sometime. I kept sitting on the edge of the seat watching a series on my phone which I downloaded for the journey.

I sat there for about 2 hrs and then went for a small walk. I thought of waking her up but couldn't. I have a sister and a mother at my home and they too travel.  So I treated her like that because maybe someday somewhere my sister or maybe my mother will also get treated in the same way as I'll treat others. 'It’s my thinking'. We can only hope for the things which we can't control. So I never woke her up. She kept sleeping there for the whole night.

Train halted at Whitefield station before reaching K R Puram and I realized that it'll be near to my destination. So I got down there. I waved at her through the window only and she waved back too. I then took a rickshaw reach my destination.

Now, I'm traveling from my childhood and got so many times RAC seats. It didn't mattered to me when I was a child as it was easy to adjust with my parents around me but as I grew up it became harder and harder (for me). Usually, when I get an RAC and it's hard to cooperate because of some foolish people, I pull my half up and sit there for the whole journey. I don't argue. It's a waste of time. Also, I talk a lot, but only to people I love and trust. So mostly I keep mum.

My Other Train Journeys:       

  A Second Class Journey       

 The Harthal Punk                                

EKM to PUNE TRAIN TRAVEL 

The Missed Train Part - 1 

Are you Single? - she asked 

 

 

Ishq - Not a Love Story

All characters and events depicted in the story are entirely fictitious. Any similarity to actual events or persons is purely coincidental. :P

Vinod had fallen in love with Nithya, which would probably be as close to true love as he knew it, for he fell in love with her for all the good reasons. She was like an angel. Full of grace, and charm, and watery eyes and Vinod, on the other hand, was shy and was afraid to confess his love to her.
 
They knew each other for about 2 years and he finally thought that this was the time he should convey his feelings towards her. So he messaged her one day and asked her to meet in person.

She agreed and told him to reach a coffee shop near her house. He kept rehearsing the lines he wanted to say in front of a mirror. 
He dressed up for the meet and took a bus to reach the cafe as his house was far away from where Nithya stayed.

They met, they spoke for some while and then he proposed her, the most exciting thing about this was even Nithya had the same feelings. She was also waiting for such a day to let Vinod how much she loved him.They walked through the streets, and talked, and said goodbye before it got dark.

He still was so nervous, that he couldn't breathe properly, with the same excitement he took a bus and came back home.

Even after reaching home, he couldn't speak, his heart was pounding fast, he couldn't breathe.

Later he understood its symptoms of the corona, he is under observation now.

We had told him to stay home and don't go outside and meet other people, we last heard that even Nithya is under observation.

So please stay home don't go outside.
Take Care Everyone.



-Inspired from Memes💟💟

Are you Single? - she asked

I boarded the train, shifted my luggage bag underneath the seat and made myself comfortable. Neighbouring family of four were still figuring out the solution to squeeze in more luggage in the small space below the seat. Twenty minutes into it and they were free and easy.

“Ok, yes,yes,ok ok I'll have dinner on time, I'll take care of mobile, luggages….”, I said to my mom before I hung up the call.

Time - 7:00pm.

Train halted at Shoranur Junction, a pretty girl  pretty of about my age came into view as she had the  upper berth reserved next to mine.

How to start a conversation?? How to introduce?? What's her destination city?? her course of study?? All imaginary questions were running in my head.

The best way to start a conversation during train journeys is to ask your co-passenger just one question- “where are you heading ?” yes just start with this question and conversation will continue for decades.

Study, job, sports, relatives, friends, hobbies,love etc..  all this topics will come up after that one question during Indian train journeys.

So I gathered all the courage I had, to ask that one question to the  girl, “To which city are you heading ?”

No sooner did I turn my head to start a conversation than I noticed she was already staring at me. I was completely blank for a second and I forgot the lines, I mean I forgot the question which I was about to ask….

Within no time she said- “Are you single?”. Yes, she said exactly those words loud and clear.

I was totally dumbstruck, shocked, flabbergasted, stunned, frozen, everything…

This question was out of syllabus I wasn't prepared for it, I mean I wasn't prepared to answer this directly.

You could have started with hii, hello, …, or start with nice journey ,nice weather..

The boy who was with family of four paused his game and was eagerly awaiting for my reply.

I was still figuring out the way to hide my face and avoid the question but I was already frozen with mouth wide open from which words were trotting out but couldn't!!

“ooh I meant are you travelling alone or with someone else?" -she said finally.

A sight of relief ran down my spine and I finally answered “yes I'm travelling alone"

“ok; it would really be helpful if you could exchange your seat with my uncle whose seat is next  block away, seat no. 55”-she asked with cute smile on her face.

With that smile she can even melt rock, so those imaginary conversations which I planned with her after asking about destination, slowly started fading away making me glum and tearful.

“yes, sure I'll exchange the seat, not a problem”- I said painfully.

Next step, I took my belongings and shifted to her uncle's seat.

Finally uncle was satisfied, she was  happy and I was………….well you know it.



My Other Train Stories :        A Second Class Journey 
                                             The Harthal Punk
                                             EKM to PUNE TRAIN TRAVEL
                                            The Missed Train Part - 1

THE BREAK-UP

 Though I have been in love all my life, I don't always fall in love, if you know what I mean😉. When you make it happen, the feeling is so awesome, but when it breaks,a major part of you just dies.

Stage I - Happiness

I was in love once It was great, that day, years ago, she was so happy, I was happy too, though I may not have smiled as much as she did, the reason being that I was overwhelmed. That night she called, and unlike all the other nights, we didn't talk much, in fact we didn't talk at all, we were two souls at the end of the phone, smiling like idiots.. I don't remember much of it, just that we said "I love you" a few times. I said its time to get some sleep, she agreed too, and suddenly she started crying, and I got this really weird(but beautiful) feeling, I was happy as I thought I was the luckiest man in the world to be the recipient of so much love from someone. I wondered how much she'd suffer if this relation was to break.

But I was wrong.

It was me who suffered, like Hell I did.

Stage II - Sorrow

Our relation didn't last long.It was a struggle, from my side, begging her not to leave me, but no matter how much I tried, she said, "this isn't happening, "my father would never allow it", she said, and I cant break his trust". I finally gave up. I couldn't really handle the loss.It was the most wasteful part of my life. I never returned any calls or messages. My phone balance was always zero. I didn't believe in myself anymore. I was in a self imposed exile.Everything I did, was at loss.

Stage III - Frustration

I was feeling so miserable, and hopeless, for so long, that it resulted in me being frustrated, and disturbed. I began questioning myself. For whom/what am I wasting my life for? Why am I so unhappy? Have I done something wrong? Haven't I suffered enough? I began  watching a lot of movies/series, listening to a lot of music, it was far far away from all the mainstream stuff. Dark, stylish, explicit. It helped me in more ways than I can express. It was the time for introspection. I found out so much about myself, and helped me in defining the 'rights' and 'wrongs'. I wasn't just trying to justify my actions, more like I tried to think of the same situation from different perspectives. This really expanded my mind, made me wise. Frustration led to hunger for more knowledge, more of finding out the things that decimated my life. In a way, it was a kind of redemption.

Stage IV - Anger

I was recuperating from all this, getting back to how I was. It still hurt, though I was actually learning to live with the pain. When it really bleeds, is when she refers to me as a 'friend', I'd be like a volcano about to erupt. It was as if she was waiting for me to forget her treason, so that she'd get her 'best friend' back.She was way too afraid that she didn't mind me taking the fall. She also knew I could never hate her. SO, she called more often than she did, and I would listen. Maybe I didn't have the strength to say anything back. So during our long conversations, she'd always bring it up and justify her part. I didn't mind, for the first few times. Then it snapped. I was ANGRY. My voice came out real strong. It wasn't like bullying or trash talking, just pure unadulterated arguments.I  got my confidence back. I started believing in myself. And it didn't stop there. I started writing. That was THE YEAR! 2016. .Life was great. I didn't really care about what others would think, maybe because that's how much I believed in my thoughts and views. 

Stage V - Back to Normal

The fire that burned, slowly lost intensity, as I found peace. The jolly days were back. This was the part of my life, where I would just maintain my reputation and respect and all the good friends that I had earned. Life was good. I was calm, and cool, like I was, years ago. It didn't feel like I was on fire, but it felt good, it felt 'nice'.

Also my ex-girlfriend, the main antagonist in this blog entry.. :D. If you ask me if I still love her, I can say, without a doubt, that I don't .We don't get to meet each other often, but we call, we talk. We both enjoy our conversations. 

So what have I learned from this heartbreak?  That it hurts like crazy, and it felt like I was on a roller coaster ride, and that it took a while for me to get back to normal. And her? She got back to normal way too fast. Like I mentioned at the beginning, I was concerned if SHE could handle the heartbreak, and it was me who ended up struggling.

Well, I am not the only one who've had such an experience. I see, and I hear about so many victims. All I have to say is that, it really hurts, but don't ever think its wrong, or a mistake to fall in love, or commit yourself. One beautiful night(in the phone, with no conversation) was worth a year of suffering, if you ask me. My only advice is, don't suffer too much .. lol! .😆.. Just try to get over it, ask yourself the right questions, it will help you find the right answers, and lead you to the right track. There are things far more valuable in life than just one person.

When a Girl in the Bus Proposed Me ! 💗

Was heading to Pune in a bus and there were two pretty damsels sitting in front of me, who were in a deep conversation.

I paused my headphones for a minute and overheard the conversation.

Girl 1 : Do you know that guy?
Girl 2 : Which one ?
G1 : The one sitting behind with the earphones.
G2 : oh yes ! He is Rintu...We study in the same college.

G1 : How is he ?
G2 : Don't know.Never talked with him. But we are friends in Facebook and Instagram.He just posts stupid things about his blogs and all. Never seen talking with a girl. I think he is boring!
G1 : Then why have you added him on Fb and Insta?
G2 : Ya but I like few of the things he posts'.
G1 : So can you introduce me to him ?

(removing my headphones)

Me : Yes what do you want !
G1 : uhhh.... I mean....I thought.....headphones.....I need to ask you one thing!
Me : Yes go on!
G1 : mmm.....are you..... commited?
Me : What if am not!?
G1 : I....love...u .
Me : I am also interested ..but now I am busy shooting  my shortfilm #Nostalgia.So please don't disturb me!
 .
.
.
. 
My Mother : What the hell are you murmuring in sleep?!  Don't you have college today?!!!

le poème - Why am I Single?

Being single can be sometimes tough,
My friends are worried, My parents aren't suprised!
They look to me and say , "Shakal Dekhi hai Apni ?"(Have you looked at yourself in the mirror!?)

So I thought I should write something about it,
 I have been asked this question so many times it always tends to niggle,
Rintu could you please tell me one thing , Why are you still single?

I thought about it so many times now that i finally hit end of my wits,
But one day I came up with an answer that fits.
Heres something I came up with,

  When I was 20, I fell in love with my collegematewas talking with her for months and everything was going great

If Her skin was like milk,
Her Hair was like silk,
It smelt like strawberries,
Her white and red cheeks like cherries dipped in fresh cream

Infact whenever I tried to describe her it sounded less like a ballad,
but more like I was loving not a girl but a fruit salad.

But the most important thing was,
telling her like exactly how I feel,
how having her around was a big deal

I went up to her and looked into her eyes,
my heartbeat had a swift,as i was to break the ice

Saying those words didnt take long,
but it broke the freindship along

All she wanted from me was a bestfriend,
and deep inside my dreams came to an end

Though this doesnt meant it was end of the road

 but everytime I proposed, I was "FRIENDZONED"